Remember November

The spirit of Halloween is back in its grave and our costumes were put away after a memorable night out in the city. The Cub Scout uniform and the Scooby Doo outfit can be found neatly tucked away in an orange bin with a black lid. Color-coded organization. That's how I roll with synesthesia. It's all about color.

The following day we found ourselves at Old Navy. My fiance was looking for new Fall clothes for work, while I found myself uninterested in searching for work-from-home digs. There is no need to impress the dog, the cat, and the UPS man with pressed khakis and a button-down shirt each day. While creating unique products for The Simple Laugh, it's important to remember: comfort promotes creativity! With that in mind, I browsed through cozy pants and other be-your-own-boss clothes, when all of a sudden "Feliz Navidad" came piping through the store's sound system. NO!! It seemed like yesterday that I was just watching the Shrek Halloween special on TV, "Scared Shrekless". I can still see Gingy shooting jelly beans out of his bottom cookie.

What about Thanksgiving? What about the Pilgrims, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, and the turkey (or the "tofurky", in my vegan fiance's case)? What about Joey Tribbiani wearing Phoebe's maternity pants? What about the traditional Dallas Cowboys and Detroit Lions football games? With 2-7 records respectivley at this time, the turkey won't be the only thing suffering that day! And, what about Adam Sandler's "Thanksgiving Song"? Why isn't that song played in retail stores during the month of November?

Give us time to give thanks!

Now, I have to figure out what I'm wearing to the "Trans-Siberian Orchestra Winter Tour" performance in two days...while the first day of winter isn't for 38 more days. I might need to go back to Old Navy. In the words of Dr. Jack Shephard from "LOST"..."We have to go back! We have to go back!"

I guess I'd better prepare myself for more holiday jingles. Feliz Navidad.

Geocaching 102

I'm sure that by now you've all seen me mention "geocaching" in several of my posts. If you are not already familiar with the term, you can learn all about the worldwide sport thru geocaching.com by viewing their "Getting Started" video, or you can purchase "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Geocaching". If you're impatient like me and want to know right now, here is my quick and dirty definition: Geocaching is high-tech treasure hunting using a GPS device. Geocachers hide geocaches (waterproof containers) with treasures (chotchkies) inside, then other geocachers search for them. The geocacher takes something out, signs the log, then places something inside in return. I know what you're thinking..."What do I want with a small piece of worthless crap?" Geocaching is not so much about finding gold, it's about the hunt! Essentially, you're a high-tech pirate...minus the rape, pillage and plunder part, of course.

Most of all, geocaching forces you to explore places where you would not have normally chosen to go. My fiancé and I started geocaching in March of 2008 during our vacation to Sedona. We were so anxious to find our first geocache! And then, we learned from reading the geocache description that it was small in size and located at an elevation of 4660 feet somewhere on Bell Rock. Oh, crap! We followed the direction according to our GPS receiver as we climbed the red rock, and after a while of searching in the hot Arizona sun...there it was...a plastic container hidden in a desert tree! We were so excited, you would have thought we just found Davy Jones' Locker. But then, we didn't have to worry about others hearing our exclamation because we were so far off the beaten tourist path. We would have never had explored this part of Bell Rock and much of the Sedona area during our entire vacation if it hadn't been for geocaching.

Following the vacation, we started geocaching in our own place of residence - Germantown, Maryland. I remember downloading the coordinates from geocaching.com for the closest geocaches near our home. I couldn't believe the number of geocaches in our neighborhood that I drove by, walked by, ran by, and merely happened by every day and I didn't even know it. In fact, I learned that there was a trailhead to the Seneca Creek Greenway Trail within walking distance of our house! I lived in my home for 15 years and I never knew there was a 16-mile trail so close-by. Needless to say, this was a dream for me and my fiancé since we are trail runners. Thank you, geocaching, for introducing us to the challenge of the find!

So, step away from your Wii, your iPhone and your cozy couch, and become one with nature as a treasure hunter - ARGH! You can tweet when you get back.

Geo out,
~Jodi...Hi-Tech Pirate and owner of "The Simple Laugh" web store

For trendy geocaching apparel and accessories, go to: The Simple Laugh Shop!

Oh, Balls!

Bocce, that is. When I plan parties, I think it's very important to have activities for your guests. Keeping your guests active will not only ensure success of the event, but will somewhat force everyone to mingle and create lasting memories. Think about it...When was the last time you remembered what a great time you had sitting on the couch at a party, doing nothing but staring at people you didn't know. Not so memorable, huh? Remember the party host equation: Party + Activity(s) = Success! With this in mind, I always have karaoke at my events, but in the summer, I have outdoor activities for the guests as well. For our Housewarming Party, we built regulations size horseshoe pits that were framed with pressure-treated wood, cemented-in stakes, and filled with sand. It was definitely one of the hits of the party, yet somewhat dangerous while everyone was throwing with a cocktail in-hand. It's all fun and games until someone spills a cocktail.

Another outdoor activity that I planned for the party was bocce ball. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the sport, bocce ball is basically lawn bowling of Italian origin. As a child, my full-blooded Italian Grandparents took us to picnics where bocce ball was always played...by old, Italian men, not by the women or kids, of course. They played with their balls and talked about made men...I think. Anyway...when I bought my first home years ago, I purchased a bocce ball set from Target (correctly pronounced as "Tar-Zhay"). When I pulled out the bocce case for the Housewarming Party, I noticed that one ball was missing! It must have been lost at the final party at my previous home. How do you lose a bocce ball in a back yard of no trees and a dried creek bed? I'm sure a maroon ball would stick out like a sore thumb! Way to go, guests. I guess that I should expect that you're bound to lose *something* when there's alcohol involved.

Well, I needed a complete bocce set for the party, so I called the maker of the set, Sportcraft, to order a replacement ball. Unfortunately, I was told that Sportcraft no longer makes my specific model number...of course...so, I asked the customer service rep if she could at least find me a close match to the rest of the balls within the set. She responded that she would need a measurement so she could plug this into the search engine on her computer. I asked if she wanted the diameter, and she responded, "I don't know. I just need a measurement." Uh, okay. It was safe to assume that is what she needed, so I measured a ball from the set and gave her the measurement of 3.5". She told me that she needed the measurement to be in millimeters. Aggravated sigh. My tape measure did not have the metric system on it, so I told her that I would Google the conversion (since she was NOT willing to help me). She asked me to HURRY UP since she had other incoming calls. At this point, I wanted to measure my middle finger and give her that measurement instead. Meanwhile I purposely called on a Friday since people are usually in a good mood on the last day of work before the weekend. In this case, it obviously did not matter. Why?...Sportcraft, LTD is located in New Jersey. I'm just sayin'. Raised and born in the friendliest city in the US, Pittsburgh, I remained polite and told her that I would call back with the correct metric measurement.

I called back minutes later and received another customer service rep...thank G-d! Once again, I explained my ball replacement request. I specifically told her that I needed a 90 mm bocce ball, maroon in color with square scoring and weighing 1 lb. 9.5 oz. This rep was definitely more patient than the previous one and spent some time finding a "perfect match", so she said. Score! I was charged $7.99 for the ball plus $7.95 shipping and handling in the total amount of $15.94. I was finally done with the Sportcraft drama and I could move on to other important tasks for the party. Not so fast...don't celebrate just yet.

A week later, I received the replacement ball in the mail. Let's see...how do I sum it up? How about...@#*!! Not only was the ball the wrong color (maroon with square scoring vs. pale red with no scoring), it weighed light as a feather. Are you kidding me? And, the rep had told me that she found the perfect match!? I guess that I should feel grateful she wasn't working for Match.com when I was matched with my fiance! Return to Sportcraft drama. I called the company once again and I was told that they can only search for balls in the system according to size, no other details. I tried to explain how ball weight is so important in the game, but once again...do you think New Jersey cared? I think not. I asked for information on returning the ball and I was told that they would not pay for shipping, but they would refund me for the cost of the ball. Okay, so let me get this straight...I will pay $7.95 in shipping to return the ball, then I will be refunded $7.99 for the returned ball. In the end, I will receive 4 cents...for my aggravation. At that point, a million other "what to do with this ball" ideas popped in to my head! So, I SHOVED IT into the bag with the rest of the balls.

In the end, I learned a valuable lesson, as I hope you do too reading this post: Always keep an eye on your balls!

~Your Party Host and owner of "The Simple Laugh"

http://www.thesimplelaugh.com/

Rustic Recycling

A few weeks ago, my fiance and I built a rustic fire pit in the back yard to compliment our cedar home tucked away in the woods. During the construction, a severe storm with high winds came out of no where. When the dark sky suddenly became a scene out of a Steven Spielberg movie, we quickly dropped the field stones and started running towards the house while tree limbs and branches were falling all around us. We made it onto the back deck and then, as we safely jumped into the sunroom, a huge limb fell from the tree within the deck and just missed both of us. The stainless steel grill, however, did not make it through the storm unscathed since the limb completely took out its side table. At least it didn't land on the center of the grill where the gas tank is located. Or better yet, at least it didn't crush the two of us! After all, we needed to finish building the fire pit.

Following the frightening event, we decided to have the deck tree trimmed for safety. Our housewarming party is soon, and we couldn't help but think that falling tree parts onto the guests and into their cocktails would most likely put a damper on the event. So, we decided to get a few estimates for the trimming service right away. Unfortunately, all of the tree experts agreed that the oak could not be saved because it was, in fact, dying. We were saddened by the diagnosis because the tree was almost 50 years old and part of our new home's history. Saving the tree was not an option, but we were determined to keep the old oak in our lives somehow. Enter our creative, rustic recycling plan...given to the trained, *licensed and insured* professionals to recycle the tree trunk into a pub table and cocktail tables for the sunroom, and the hefty tree limbs into rustic seating around the new fire pit!

In the end, the old oak was dangerous and unsafe above our heads. It no longer shades us from the intense summer heat. Instead, the recycled tall oak has become a perennial conversation piece, or rather pieces, of our new home. No wood chippers invited to this party!

Now, back to planning the housewarming party and creating new T-shirt designs for TheSimpleLaugh...

Summer is Here!

The official first day of summer is ten days away, but summer has definitely arrived early. How do I know this? Is it because it's already incredibly humid and in the nineties here in Virginia? Nope. Is it because an unusual amount of straight folks have outnumbered gay women at Home Depot? I think not. Is it because I sneak a whiff of barbecued meat from surrounding grills when my vegan fiancé isn't looking? Perhaps, but still no. I know that summer is ahead of schedule because our 4-year old tabby cat, Peanut, has been on the hunt leaving destruction (a.k.a. dead things) in her path.

One morning last week, I looked out of our kitchen window at the tree service team who was removing a dead, fallen tree from our property. All of a sudden, a magnificent blue bird flew by the window and landed on the backyard deck. Foreshadow. While the men continued working, I decided to get the mail. I walked to the foyer, but when I tried to open the storm door, it wouldn't open all the way. Why? Because there was a decapitated robin stuck under the door on my Pittsburgh Steelers door mat. Super. I finally managed to squeeze through the door (with a plastic bag for disposal), and found one of my trail running shoes on the edge of the front porch. I thought this was odd since I usually leave my muddy running shoes neatly tucked under the porch bench so they don't get wet in case it rains. When I picked up my shoe to put it back in its proper place, I found a dead mole in my shoe! I know the tree guys heard me scream despite their noise reduction headphones and the piercing sound of their chainsaws. I disposed of the mole in the same bag, and as I placed my shoe under the bench, I noticed a half-eaten lizard. Are you kidding me? Headless birds and hindless lizards. WHY, Peanut? One more for the bag.

When the timber men finally cleared the area, I went to check on their work. I opened the back door, stepped down onto the backyard deck, and CRUNCH! Shocked nonetheless and before I looked down, I immediately thought to myself, "Please be a stick or a huge leaf or a box of Cereal...ANYTHING! But not a...DAMN IT! I looked down and realized that I landed right on dead mole. If anything, I found solace in the fact that I was not the original killer. The men heard me exclaim once again and halted their equipment. I walked through the back yard to where the men were working, and on my return to the house, I discovered the magnificent blue bird...without a head. Sigh. Where's my bag?

Thank you, Peanut, for a day filled with "gifts" for me as an expression of your love.

I don't know who loves living in the country more - Me or Peanut? Never mind. I'm the one holding the bag.

Now, back to creating new T-shirt designs for "The Simple Laugh". If I can only get these dead things out of my head.

Thursday Highlights

Every three weeks I visit a cute salon for my short "Jack McFarland" haircut. As a former military officer, once the hair even remotely touches my ear, it's time for a trim! I'm all about low maintenance. The salon is located in Salisbury - an affluent neighborhood with a fancy country club on one end and a swank golf course on the other. Since The Simple Laugh launched less than a month ago, I wanted to take advantage of my hair appointment and use it as an opportunity to market one of my most popular products - the "Flower Pot Mug". So, I planted an indoor plant in a mug and with the salon owner's permission, I placed it on the counter with my business cards. I made sure it was a plant that needed only "low light" so it wouldn't require too much attention on their part. I took one step back, cocked my little head sideways, and stared at the placement of the mug and cards, then hoped that the display will interest clients in their tennis skirts and plaid golf sweater vests.

It was my turn next. Would it be low lights or highlights for my "Just Jack!" hairstyle?...a typical decision for the beginning of each summer. Hmmm... This time, I decided on ALL LIGHT...all blond...something crazy to reflect my crazy idea to resign from my government job after 15 years and start my own business in these less than delightful economic times. Needless to say, my hairdresser was excited, as she sports a different outgoing style and color each time I see her.

Phase One: Pour on the Clorox! After which, I sat under the HOT dryer while my head was surrounded with an odor similar to the one in my laundry room when I'm washing whites. Result: No more distinguished grey hair...I am completely blond! I look like comic book "Richie Rich" - minus all of the money.

Phase Two: Another toxic concoction to tone down the color, so I don't scare small children. Between the bleach and the toner, I'm buzzed...at 11 AM...alcohol not included. I try to stand up from the sink and almost fall over. Result: I can hardly stand and I look like a candidate for Hitler's Aryan race with my white skin, blue eyes, and my toned-down blond hair - minus the swastika, of course!!

Phase Three: In my hairdresser's own words: "Now, let's cut it all off!" Wait a minute...I'm paying for all of that color and now it's going to end up on the floor in less than 60 seconds? I'm in the wrong business! The hair begins to fly and it all starts to come together...the eye-catching color...the trendy style. Result: I'm stoked! I look like Pink - minus the seductive, little outfits, fish net stockings, ...oh, and the ability to sing while dripping wet, suspended in the air like something out of Cirque de Soleil.

There you have it. Low light for the plant in the Flower Pot Mug, and all light for its creator! Now, I need a tan.

The End. And Scene.

~The Simple Blonde...jodi

The Simple Solution

If you are interested in purchasing any items from thesimplelaugh.com in bulk, please contact us for a discounted rate. Imagine Problem #1: You're invited to so many weddings this summer, but you won't have the time or the energy to creatively choose gifts for each happy couple. The Simple Solution: Merely purchase Coffee Scoops from The Simple Laugh at a discounted bulk rate! Not only are they beautifully hand-crafted 100% pewter (appropriate as an elegant wedding gift), they are packaged in a Tiffany-style gift box along with a satin gift bag.

At the same time, we also offer custom-made orders. Imagine Problem #2: Your softball team is in desperate need of new team shirts with a fresh design...ones that do not show the stains of defeat any longer. The Simple Solution: join a bowling team instead? I think not. Contact us for personalized service to create noticeable, trendy shirts that will distract the other teams! Besides, you can't work on your tan while bowling indoors.

With that said, please support our small business and keep us in mind for any bulk or custom-made orders. Thank you!

Side Note: During my 10+ years as the manager for the National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency (NGA) store, I created many unique, custom-made designs for the employees. And, what was the biggest selling item? The "Survivor" T-shirt that I designed in recognition of our agency changing its name for the third time. (Years later the agency changed its name for the FOURTH time!)

If you're reading this, Mark Burnett...I want to know why you haven't yet chosen me for "Survivor". Give me 39 days and I'll help you with your ratings!

The Tribe Has Spoken.

~Jodi

Adventures in Trail Running

After two consecutive days packaging/shipping orders and creating personalized custom-made items (which I will talk about more in my next post!), I really needed to get outside with nature yesterday. So I put on my athletic gear, harness my Jack Russell Terrier (Biscuit), hop in the Jeep, and head to the park for a trail run. It's the middle of the day and already 85 degrees...in May. Welcome to Virginia.


We arrive at the park, walk to the head of the trail and begin our 3.5 mile run. A quarter of a mile into the run, I start to realize how loose my shorts are...You know, the mesh shorts that you've worn so many times that there is absolutely no elastic left in the waist band! (But they're cozy and still in style, so it's all good.) As I run over large stones, fallen branches and exposed tree roots, I'm pulling up every side of my 20-year-old shorts in an attempt to keep them on. It was becoming SO daunting! I don't know what was wearing me down more?...Heat exhaustion, focusing on not falling, or continuously hiking up my drawers!


Now don't forget, while I'm handling the shorts situation with my left hand, I'm also holding the leash of a hyper Jack Russell with my right hand. Foreshadow. So the run continues, as "Focus. Focus. Focus." is in my mind, while "Squirrel. Squirrel. Squirrel." is, of course, in Biscuit's tiny Beetlejuice head. Twenty minutes into "the situation", as I *should have expected*...a squirrel dashes right out in front of us! @#*!! Needless to say, Biscuit nearly RIPS my arm right out of its socket in pursuit of the ballsy, little trail rodent. I finally regain control of the pup and continue to run, but realize that I've been running with my shorts around my knees, which end up in seconds around my ankles. And, there's an older gentleman behind me with his dog. Of course, there is. Super. You're welcome, Sir, for the free show of my white Joe Boxers.


Not as funny as this past Fall when Biscuit jumped out of the window of the *moving* Jeep when I told her to look at the bu-bu-she-she as we passed a farm! ("Bu-bu-she-she" is our word for sheep.) Even so, I wanted to share my lovely experience with all of you.

The End.
And Scene.

Now, back to business, Jodi! Focus. Focus. Focus.

Open for Business!!

The economy is sad right now and what do I decide to do? I recently resigned from my federal government job after 15 years of service to start my own business! Risky? Yes. Am I happier creating designs for fun merchandise rather than looking at Excel spreadsheets all day and attending mandatory meetings? Yes! Enter..."The Simple Laugh". A web store for "anyone from map enthusiasts to coffee lovers to geocachers". Of course, I offer map products as a former cartographer, but why coffee products? Because topo lines tend to run together without a strong cup of caffeine! Wouldn't you agree?

I hope visitors enjoy my new risk that allows me to wear cozy pants to work everyday. The web design is very unique, a product of incredible time and effort by my favorite marine, Scott!

Enjoy the store and please feel free to send me an email (jodi@thesimplelaugh.com) with comments and/or suggestions!

Hope to hear from you soon,
~Your Cartist...An artist with a masters degree in cartography